Carrying On
by Be Summer Rain
Summary: A songfic (I rather have a weakness for those) with Lily and Harry's POV, varying.


Disclaimer:  Bet'cha can't guess who Harry Potter belongs to!

The song 'My Immortal' belongs to Evanescence.

I was informed that 'so, so, so, so' many people write songfics with their lyrics, but too bad.  With inspirations so few and far between, I'm not about to pass one up.  *shutting up*

Enjoy. 

'I'm so tired of being here

suppressed by all my childish fears'

            I am sixteen years old.  A normal sixteen-year-old is not supposed to need his mother.  But then, a normal boy would have known his mother.  He would remember her singing him lullabies, reading him stories, wiping his tears, and chasing away the monsters under his bed.  He would remember her face and the way she laughed.  He would remember the sound of her voice.  And right now, all I want in the world is to be normal.

I wish I had parents to fight with.

'You used to captivate me 

by your resonating light

but now I'm bound by the life you left behind'

            Oh, my baby.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry I wasn't around to watch you grow up.  I'm the mother; I'm supposed to be the one who protects you.  They say I did protect you, in the end; so why am I so helpless?

            I remember when you were born.  I could spend hours just looking into your face; hoping and praying and dreaming.

            "There's something about him, Lily," James had told me.  "Something…something different.  Something extraordinary.  Like he can chase away all the shadows."  

            "He can," I replied, kissing the top of your head.  "He's already chased away ours."

'And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

because your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone'

It's silly, I know it is.  Ron and Hermione think about their parents, of course, but it isn't the same at all.  The day Hagrid gave me those pictures of you and Dad, I believed for a second that you were close by, that you were watching over me.  Sometimes, I still feel like you're around.  And it becomes that much harder to live day to day.

'I've held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me'

I am, Harry.  Something of me and something of James has been left in you, I know it has.  We were with you when you first saw evil face-to-face, and we shared in your horror at the devastation upon those you loved.  We rejoiced when you found your godfather, and shared in your sorrow when he was callously ripped away from you.

Haven't you lost enough?

We saw you, you know, that night when he came back.  For the first time, we were with you in form as well, and we marveled inwardly at the extraordinary strength you possessed.  

This isn't the way it was ever supposed to be.

'These wounds won't seem to heal.

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.'

I've lived with your deaths for over fifteen years now.  Shouldn't I be able to think of you without pain?  But now – now that he's back, and I can see firsthand what it must have been like when you lived, and loved, and died – I don't think I can ever truly be whole.  I can try and gloss over it, try and pretend everything's all right, but that's like putting a small plaster over an amputated hand.  Time doesn't heal any wounds.  At all.

'when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears'

You were just a baby.  I could protect you from monsters under your bed, and skinned knees, and a bump on the head.  I could even protect you from Voldemort.  But no one can protect you from what lies ahead for you.  Nobody can tell you how to keep living.  I can't save you anymore.  You're going to have to do it yourself.  And you will.  What saved you, they said, was my love.  And even though that protection can no longer hold you together, you still have it, and always will have it.  

I love you.

'I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

and though you're still with me

I've been alone all along'

It's quiet.  I'm lying in bed, and everyone else is asleep.  Sometimes, I think of how I'm only alive because you're dead, and how you twice gave me life.  

I wish it didn't have to be this way.

I wish…

But I can wish a lot of things, and they won't come true.

I know my destiny.  I know what I have to do.  

I know you love me.

And you know I love you.

And I will carry on.

[The End]


End file.
